陈老师带来一本和青少年谈话技巧的小册子，电子版的可以在这里找到--可怜天下父母心，提前10年就开始准备和充电 :)
99 tips for talking with young teenager
http://www.acs-teens.org/
650.424.0852
这次的教学方式以问答+讨论为主。
Q：怎么才能把正在玩/做手工的小朋友喊过来吃饭/刷牙？
A：first warning， then take action 先提醒后行动。先给小孩一点时间去完成手头的事情，比如1-3分钟，之后如果还没有过来，就走过去把她牵过来。对大一点有时间观念的孩子，可以让他们自己估计一个完成自己手头工作所需要的时间，这样大人心理对需要等待的时间有个概念，即不容易等的着急到“崩溃”。
Q:一个有5个孩子的妈妈说到，由于时间和金钱的限制，无法满足孩子的所有参加活动的要求，怎么办？
A:5选2 or 10选2
针对多个孩子的情况，陈老师提到2本书 The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (Stephen F. Covey) 以及作者的一个儿子后来写的The 7 Habits of Highly Successful Teens。注：Stephen有9个孩子,51个孙辈！每个孩子都觉得父母很爱自己--爸爸每个周末和一个孩子“约会”，有和孩子独处的时间（one child at a time)。
Q:妈妈重视family time，要求每周全家一起出去吃一次饭。teen想避开父母，在家玩game，不原意去，怎么办？
A:family time的多样性：吃饭，hiking, 去california cave，玩game（有一种game叫ungame），play puzzle，吃饭时/开车时/睡前谈心etc.
Q：关于睡眠
A：高中生9h15min，小朋友10-12h,不够的需要补。另外无论大人小孩每天都需要一些free time to relax, re-org,rest and then obsorb
Q:关于吃
A:好吃的/不好吃的都要equally share。不要把好吃的全部给孩子，会传递错误的信息，比如妈妈不喜欢吃好吃的，妈妈不需要休息。在适当的时候要让孩子知道你的付出，否则他们会认为父母所做的一切是理所当然。陈老师举例，她曾经为了给女儿买一个做projet所需要的东西跑了3家michael's，花了2h，最终才找到。回来告诉女儿，她女儿非常非常地感激。
Appendix：The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens
The First Three Habits surround moving from dependence to independence (self mastery) - THE Private VICTORY – Inside First
Habit 1 BE PROACTIVE
I am the force.
Take responsibility for your life.
Being proactive is more than taking initiative. It is accepting responsibility for our own behavior (past, present, and future) and making choices based on principles and values rather than on moods or circumstances. Proactive people are agents of change and choose not to be victims, to be reactive, or to blame others. They take an Inside-Outside Approach to creating changes.
Habit 2 BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND
Control your own destiny or Someone Else Will
Define your mission and goals in life.
All things are created twice – first mentally, second physically. Individuals, families, teams, and organizations shape their own future by creating a mental vision and purpose for any project. They don’t just live day to day without a clear purpose in mind. They mentally identify and commit themselves to the principles, values, relationships, and purposes that matter most to them.
Habit 3 PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST
Will and Won’t Power
Prioritize, and do the most important things first.
Putting first things first is the second or physical creation. It is organizing and executing around mental creation (your purpose, vision, values, and most important priorities.) The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.
The Next Three are to do with Interdependence -THE Public VICTORY – Outside Second
Habit 4 THINK WIN-WIN
The Stuff That Life Is Made Of
Have an everyone-can-win attitude.
Thinking win-win is a frame of mind and heart that seeks mutual benefit and is based on mutual respect in all interactions. It’s not about thinking selfishly (win-lose) or like a martyr (lose-win). In our work and family life, members think interdependently -- in terms of “we,” not “me.” Thinking win-win encourages conflict resolution and helps individuals seek mutually beneficial solutions. It’s sharing information, power, recognition, and rewards.
Habit 5 SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND, THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD
You Have Two Ears and one Mouth
Listen to people sincerely
When we listen with the intent to understand others, rather than with the intent to reply, we begin true communication and relationship building. Seeking to understand takes kindness; seeking to be understood takes courage. Effectiveness lies in balancing the two.
Habit 6 SYNERGIZE
The “High” Way
Work together to achieve more
Synergy is about producing a third alternative – not my way, not your way, but a third way that is better than either of us would have come up with individually. Synergistic teams and families thrive on individual strengths. They go for creative cooperation.
The Last habit relates to self-rejuvenation
Habit 7 SHARPEN THE SAW
It’s “Me Time”
Renew yourself regularly
Sharpening the saw is about constantly renewing ourselves in the four basic areas of life: physical, social/emotional, mental, and spiritual. It’s the habit that increases our capacity to live all the other habits of effectiveness.
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